Saying Goodbye: Cycling In March

Dear friends and family,

What a month March was, full of laughter, wet with tears and crammed full of cycling.  I'm glad you're with me for another season of adventures.

85 years

My grandmother lived 85 vibrant years.  In March she was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia and on March 25th she left this earth peacefully in her sleep.  Many people, in an effort to find the right words, have said to me "Sorry for your loss."  The sentiment is sincerely appreciated because in times of mourning, there aren't right words, but saying something lends comfort.  At her memorial service, my husband, Terry, said that something can't be lost if you know where it is.  My grandmother loved the Lord all her life and I know where she is, but I still wish she were here with me, kissing her trademark red lipstick onto my cheek.

323 Miles

March began with a friend of mine committing to cycling 300 miles in a month.  The gauntlet was thrown down and I saddled up to ride 300 miles, too.  At the beginning of the month, I was angry at cancer for having invaded my grandmother's body.  Initially, the doctors gave her 6 months to live.  Then 6 months withered into only a handful of days and my anger was washed over by grief.  I spent much of the month sitting with my grandmother in the hospital in Southern California.  I read my latest poetry to her, watched her grin as I fed her an ice cream sandwich, and told her how deeply and truly I loved her.  I will treasure those days for the rest of my life.  In between my trips to the other end of the state, I rode my bike.  I rode my bike for my Gramma Betty.  I was determined.  I was broken.  I was fierce.

1 Cactus Nursery

In the shadow of things I could not control, I clung tenaciously to my goal of reaching 300 miles.  The day after my grandmother passed away, I was still short of my goal and so my uncle took me on a ride.  I believe grief wears many faces and I have worn them all this month.  I laughed as I struggled to unclip from the pedals on my uncle's bike, almost toppling over at every stop sign.  The sweeping green foothills that surrounded us brought me to tears as I realized my grandmother would never see them again.  My tears and laughter both faded as I climbed uphill and my uncle snapped my picture in front of a cactus nursery.

I once heard about a type of cactus that has a heart filled with a liquid sort of like water.  If you cut out the heart and drink the water, it will be full again by the next morning.  The day after my grandmother died, I held my "Win, Gramma Betty!" sign in front of the beautiful blooming cacti and I felt a little drop of happiness settle into my heart.  There is still so much of my heart that is feels empty, but I have hope that each morning I will wake up with just a little more of the joy that was a hallmark of her life.  It was on that ride that I surpassed my goal of riding 300 miles in March.

2 Pairs of Underwear

Don't get all flustered and blush like I'm going to tell you about my underwear.  I'm not.  Mostly because cyclists don't wear underwear under cycling shorts.  Now we're both blushing.  See how I made us both feel awkward so you wouldn't be the only embarrassed one?  You're welcome.  Even in times of sorrow, life is funny and there are always things to laugh at on the bike.  In early March, I was on the road to Keswick Dam when I saw a pair of men's black underwear on the side of the road.  I zipped by, pondering what exactly was going on in that car.  The next day I rode in Platina, a gorgeous little place West of Redding.  It has sweeping views of canyons and snowcapped mountains.  I was riding uphill when I saw another pair of underwear hanging in a bush.  This time they were men's black long underwear.  Seriously, what is going on in those cars?  Allow me to make a quick public service announcement:  If you are doing anything other than driving while operating a vehicle, please pull over and stop while you do it.  And when you are finished, please retrieve your underwear from the side of the road.  Thank you.

3 Funny Names

Since I am a slow cyclist, I get a kick out of anything that makes the ride go by quicker.  I'm especially fond of the names people come up with for streets and things.  Three names in particular cracked me up this month: Sharpen Up Ranch, Go Away Ranch, and Rosannadanna Creek.  Gotta love a little Saturday Night Live humor out in the middle of nowhere.

44 and 3.9

My top speed was 44 MPH.  I was cruising downhill with the wind at my back and a smile on my face.  My slowest speed was 3.9 as I grunted uphill, completely unaware that my brake was rubbing my wheel.  Needless to say, I fixed that immediately upon discovery and will have to come up with a different excuse for being so slow next month!

$213 donated so far

Thank you Christine W., Heather F., Jill S., John, P., MaryKay S., and Sallie C.  I appreciate your support and generosity.

$1,787 until I reach my goal

If you'd like to make a donation to the Lance Armstrong Foundation, please go to: http://sanjose2010.livestrong.org/aliciamccauley.  You can donate in memory of a loved one's life cut short by cancer or in support of a loved one who is battling cancer now.

1 Winner

Last year Team Fat Cyclist rode in support of Susan.  Our slogan was, "Win, Susan!", and when she passed away, our slogan became, "Fight Like Susan".  This year I've adopted my own mantra, "Win, Gramma Betty!".  Although my grandmother has passed away, I can't bring myself to change my sign because she won in so many ways.  She was an amazing wife, mother, aunt, friend and grandmother.  She lived her life seeking out the best in others with reckless abandon.  And so in April, when I am tackling my goal of riding 400 miles in a month, I'll be pushing up mountains and dropping down hills all the while crowing, "Win, Gramma Betty!", because her life was the greatest win of all.

Fondly,

Alicia

http://sanjose2010.livestrong.org/aliciamccauley