Cake Or Something Like It

After witnessing a particularly awkward/seething with rage wedding ceremony, I found myself thinking "At least the cake will be good.  I could really go for a tasty little slice right about now." The cake was a small three tiered affair with white icing and blue accents.  It wasn't beautiful, nor was it hideous.  It looked like it would hit the spot just fine.

I sat down and took a forkful of cake.  As I lifted it to my mouth, I had my reservations because it was an odd color.  Really there are only three acceptable cake colors: white, yellow, and dark brown.  The only exception to this is Funfetti cake, which is white with happy sprinkles embedded like delicious little treasures.

This cake was sort of beige-ish, almost the color of spice cake.  I don't care for spice cake.  Why would you make spice cake when chocolate cake mix is readily available?  It's a mystery worth pondering another time.  But it's hard to totally mess up cake, so I took a bite.  It tasted like...it tasted like...it didn't taste like any food product I'd ever eaten.  It looked like cake.  It felt like cake.  But that's where the similarities ended.

I couldn't put my finger on what flavor it was and so assuming I'd gotten an off bite, I took a second bite.  It was just as awful, maybe even more so because now I had impostor cake in my belly and my mouth and, let me tell you, neither location was pleased.  Had I been at home or even in a restaurant or anywhere but in the direct line of sight of the cake baker, I would have spit it out right onto the silvery names monogrammed on the napkin.  As this was not an option, I swallowed it and chased it with three cups of strawberry lemonade.

The weird thing was nobody else at the table could identify the cake flavor either.  I looked around the room and saw people pushing cake around on their plates to give the appearance they'd eaten it.  I felt terrible for having handed out such a poor excuse for a cake.  These people didn't do anything to deserve that.  Okay, maybe some of them did, but as a whole this crowd was being severely punished.  With cake.

It reminded me of a scene from Better Off Ted.  Two scientists have created a meatless beef product and it's up to the taste tester to determine exactly what it is.  The scene went something like this:

"It tastes familiar."

"Like beef?"

"No."

"Like chicken?"

"No.  It tastes like...it tastes like...despair.  Yes, that's it.  Despair."

I never did figure out what flavor this wedding cake was supposed to be, but it was a dead ringer for despair.

People Scavenger Hunt

I'm a people watcher.  I admit it.  Terry and I have this people scavenger hunt game we like to play in the mall.  Before we enter, we each give the other person a person they have to try to find while we're there.  For example, I might make Terry spot a man with a broken leg, tattoo, and a cowboy hat.  He might make me look for a woman with a stroller, seven piercings, and mom jeans.  Points are awarded for found people.  Bonus points are awarded for unusual sightings, like someone dressed up as Santa in July.

Recently we attended a wedding that was the People Scavenger Hunt jackpot.  Check it out.  For the record, there wasn't any alcohol present.

-woman in a muumuu and a very long, bad wig

-family of the groom entering while the ceremony was in progress to show their disapproval of the marriage.

-mother of the bride talking trash about the mother of the groom

-mother of the groom in full length fur coat, fur scarf, and Russian style fur hat that she wore for the duration of the ceremony and reception.

-groom passing out during the ceremony (I only get half a point for this one because although he swooned, he came to before hitting the floor.)

-embittered reverend who does not believe in marriage and felt free during the ceremony to share his staunch belief that 1 Corinthians 13 is a big, fat lie.

Nothing like a wedding to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.