Grocery shopping is one of the most torturous things I can think of. I am a college graduate and a teacher for goodness sake, and I can't seem to construct a grocery list that actually contains everything I need. How is it that the milk in my fridge is always expired and yet I can't seem to remember to add it to the list? Well, today I made the dreaded pilgrimage to the grocery store, and although I eat a banana every morning and my fruit bowl currently contains exactly zero bananas, I managed to look straight at the mound of bananas at the store and pass right by them. I swear, my mind is a desert.
I can't stand being in the grocery store. The florescent lights make my eyes itch. The muzak oozing from some unseen speaker in the ceiling makes my ears want to curl up inside themselves. And don't even get me started on the fact that some people think it's perfectly acceptable to grocery shop in pajamas. It's not. No, I don't care how cute your pajamas are. The whole thing makes me want to grind my teeth and pray for Armageddon to come swiftly.
I recognize that this is an irrational response to an otherwise benign life task, so I've developed some coping strategies. First of all, I take my phone and headphones so I can listen to soothing music. It's hard to be angry listening to Jack Johnson. In fact, I think it's impossible.
I'm a big believer in the idea that I reap what I sow, so I smile at everyone. I smile at the children throwing tantrums in the aisle. I smile because they are not mine. I smile at elderly people checking fiber content while their cart blockades all other cart traffic. I smile because someday I'll be that person searching for the cereal that delivers a colon punching twenty five grams of fiber per serving. I smile at people catching up with long lost friends directly in front of the ice cream freezer. I smile because there are a lot of people I'd like to bump into at the store. Ok, not a lot. Mostly I'd just like to bump into Taye Diggs. That is one beeyootiful man. I digress.
In addition to all the smiling and hunting for Taye Diggs around every corner, I share the gift of tall. Being a six foot tall woman has it's disadvantages. I can't ever find pants that are long enough and every dress is a cocktail dress. However, in the grocery store I am queen. I can reach the most tippy top boxes on the top shelf without even fully extending my arm. This means women with the gift of short ask me to reach things on the top shelf. I am happy to help, but somehow I think if I asked them to reach something for me on the bottom shelf, it wouldn't end well.
The last facet of my grocery store sainthood involves random lost children asking me to help them find their mommies. About once a month, a little kid wanders over to me, eyes red from crying and asks me for help. We look up and down a few aisles and I easily spot the frantic mother careening through the store looking for her lost little one. I don't know how these kids know I'm a safe stranger, but I'm glad they do. Maybe it's some internal awareness. Or maybe they can hear Jack Johnson.
Well folks, finally all of my grocery store niceness paid off. I went to the self check station. Another coping strategy. I'm really bad at making small talk with the checkers. I get nervous and then say something that embarrasses one or both of us. Plus I'm convinced that they're judging my based on the items in my cart.
Today I enjoyed the blip, blip, blip of scanning my items at the judgement free self check register and loaded my bags into my car. When I grabbed my big green purse, I realized that I'd accidentally hidden an avocado behind it. I didn't pay for the avocado. After calling myself a dirty thief, I marched the avocado back to the check stand. I explained that I'd accidentally taken it without paying for it. The manager of the store simply said "Don't worry about it. Have a nice day." I thought to myself Look at that, a free avocado. Maybe grocery shopping isn't so bad after all. Then I took my prize avocado and bolted out the door before the muzak could bleed into my brain.
I am so with you about the pajama shopping. what are they thinking? And usually the pajamas are so NOT cute. They usually look like they needed to be laundered weeks ago. The books Avery was telling you about are part of the Interhational Reading Association's Children's CHoice Book Awards program. The IRA sends out hundreds of books to be placed in elementary schools for children to read and rate. The program is over for this year and I have a lot of books that I can decide what to do with. I am going through and deciding which ones I want, but will have many to donate to schools. I will be donating to the schools that helped with the project. I thought you might like to have some for your classroom as well. I'll put April 25 on my calendar so we can get together.
ReplyDeleteLynn